Honestly the jealousy I’ve been feeling these past few days has been crippling. Ever since I moved miles away from my best friends, my boyfriend etc, I can’t help but get self concious whenever they’re hanging out with other people. I suppose it could be me wishing I was there generally, but I have this sick feeling in my stomach as well…this worry of being replaced. I’ve never had someone stick by me for very long…months, or maybe a year and then they drift away and forget my name.
I’ve always hated goodbyes and just flat out leaving…the thought of it just makes my heart pound out of my chest. Losing the people I keep close to my heart is not something I’m prepared to deal with. I guess no one is ever prepared for that. I suppose we have it set in our minds that everyone is gonna stick around us forever, because that’s what they promised they’d do…right? Maybe at that point, they’ll feel sure that they want you in their lives forever, but somehow, one day they’re gonna decide that you don’t quite fit in to the picture anymore. That’s what makes me fret the most, not knowing if this pessimistic outlook I have on relationships will ring true or not. Will I become the minor character in their story? I sure hope that’s not the case. I need to be promised forever, it’s the only way I can stay happy, reassuring my naive heart that these people that I have now, will be the same people in a few years…just to save myself from breaking.