I don’t know how to start off honestly. The last time I started a site or a blog of any sort, the excitement of writing my thoughts for the world to see wore off pretty quick. I’m not very creative with my wording, I wasn’t born to be a writer, I guess that’s why I stopped trying this for a long while. I’m gonna apologize in advance if anything I write bores you almost to death. That’s almost exactly the effect I seem to have on everyone, or at least I feel as if it is. Not many people stick around long enough to understand the reason I am the way I am, most use me for some simple small talk to get them by the last few minutes of class or something. It bothers me a lot more than you think it would.
That’s enough of that for now, but get used to these starting off on a low note, I love to get everything that’s bothering me off of my chest as soon I can , it just makes it easier for me to deal. I refuse to talk about my problems with anyone by word of mouth. My social anxiety wouldn’t allow me to interact with people like a normal human being, plus, everyone can tell me that they’re there for me, but no one wants to hear it all of the time. Who wants to listen to my crap all of the time? I know I wouldn’t.
I’m gonna introduce myself now if you’d like. I’m Andy, 17 years old and I’m barely keeping my head above the surface everyday. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t dissmiss me as some whiny drama queen, I SWEAR it’s not like that. But I do suffer from very bad anxiety, both social and general, so it makes my days pretty hard to pull through. I’m in the “hiding in the school bathroom because I don’t want to be around people” kind of situation. That may or may not be an actual thing I have done, but we’ll save that for another post.
Most recently it has become evident that I do have depression as well. Actually, it’s been quite obvious for a while, but I just thought of it as mood swings, which is what most people who don’t comprehend what mental illness is, would say. I’m a closet geek, a sucker for huskies and a romantic all the way. Video games and skateboarding are my secret hobbies. I don’t read much, but I love quotes, poems and deep writting, they descibe me better than I can sometimes. My music taste is all over the place, it goes from emo bands to pop to hip hop, some country and a lot of straight out rock. Music is an escape for me but also one of my triggers. I’m 17 but I look like a middle schooler to some. I have a big heart underneath but I tend to be very withdrawn and cold on the outside. I live for making people happy and having them feel wanted, I don’t want anyone to ever feel the way I do on a daily. All of my intentions are pure for sure. I know you’re rolling your eyes right now, so chill with all of your judgement and try to believe it’s true. I often copy others instead of being myself, I mold into the person I think I should be rather than the girl I am on the inside.